Sunday, February 3, 2008

Sometimes I don't have the words I need...

There are so many things that I am struck by while reading Swann's Way and would love to point out and break down for annalysis, but I just don't seem to ever have the words I need to express quite what I'm thinking. So, I've thought and thought about what it is about this book that strikes me so odd.
I'll start off with a story. I was taking Theatre 101 and the teacher went on a rampage about how we know things about people, and it is really only through their actions and reactions. He said that people like to think that someone could pick up their ipod or diary and really know who they are as a person, but that isn't the case. That gave me plenty of thinking to do for a while. Infact, I can't seem to go for any long amount of time without being struck by that idea again.
I think that people try to put on a show for others. When we write in our diaries we do it assuming that someone will read it some day. When we get dressed in the morning we are putting on a face that is there for others to see. I have been working on getting together photos from my wedding and while I do it, I picture someone some day flipping through it while I tell them little insights about the different pictures and moments.
I think that is what this book reminds me of. I am sitting down beside Marcel who is flipping through a photo album. I am only seeing little clips of his life with not all that meaningful commentary from him, and trying to put meaning to all of it. It jumps around and doesn't ever tell me quite as much as I really need to hear to understand, but I am doing what I can with what I have.
I'll see one moment of this boys life followed by another. They aren't necessarily related to one another, but I try to connect them and fill in the blanks.
I wonder if my filling in the blanks says something about me. It's like the narrator said how a reader might know something about themself through reading. Does the connection of these events that I create shed insight into myself?
We really are given very little information and we make more of it than we should. We make assumptions and we make judgements. Can we do that from just looking into a few clips of one persons life? If it's just fictional, does it matter?
Whether it matters or not, I can't help but make a connection between these ponderings and that comment fromt he narrator. I can't seem to escape it. I read about people living lives, but I don't really live one. I just can't help but wonder how much I have learned from the lives of characters that I might not have learned otherwise.
And now, because I know I'm a long winded person, I will end this rant with one final question:
Why do I always end up with more questions than answers?

(the you tube video wouldn't embed)

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